She Can See Dead People
by Roxius
Summary: Not all of the characters who died in Code Geass were able to pass on...and poor Kallen was left to deal with them. Post-R2. CRACK FIC. Please R & R! There is a special guest appearance at the end as well!


Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass.

A/N: Most of the deceased characters in CG have passed on, but quite a few of them are having some trouble accepting their deaths...

I do not own John Freeman. He belongs to that crazy little guy squirrelking, and his awesome (read it: so bad it's good) fanfics...

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Kallen Stadtfeld had a rather...supernatural problem as of late.

"You know, Kallen," Lelouch dully stated as he hovered several inches off the ground, his entire body completely transparent, "I wish I could still attend school with you...I'd like to be able to see all of my friends again...I could beat Rivalz in a chess game and laugh in his face, too...ah, good times, good times...those stupid motherfuckers wouldn't have even gotten a second of screen-time if it wasn't for me..."

Shirley, who was just as transparent, nodded in agreement. "Yeah...I really wanna be able to talk to Milly again, too...I want to feel her lush, plump lips against mine - I mean, THANKS ALOT FOR KILLING ME, ROLO, YOU SHOTA BASTARD!!!"

"Hmph...silence, bitch! If anything, I just wish I could eat cake again..." Rolo mumbled under his breath, "Good god...sweet, sweet cake...how I miss you so..." he looked like he might actually cry.

Kallen sighed heavily; she didn't really understand why these three had to follow her around all the time. Couldn't they just pass on to the afterlife already? It was such a troublesome predicament. Even worse was the fact that Lelouch, Shirley and Rolo weren't the only ghosts haunting her.

"Stupid bitch! Dumbass whore! Slut! Prostitute! Pussy-Licker! Ugly, fat-headed dog!!!" Luciano hissed venomously into Kallen's ear. He still has yet to have forgiven her for killing him. The redhead was easily able to ignore him, however.

Unfortunately, Diethard was even more annoying than the former Knight of Round. "Who are you? Where am I? What is this?" he suddenly unzipped his pants and pulled out his limp dick, "Why does it jiggle so violently in my hands?! Tell me!!!"

"GAAAAAH!!! CAN'T SEE SHIT, CAPTAIN!!!" Bismarck Waldstein cried in horror as he rolled around on the floor. Apparently, when he was reformed as a ghost, both of his eyes had been stitched shut.

Suddenly, Lelouch let out a shriek. "OH GOD!!! DAD!!! MOM!!!! GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!!! I TOLD YOU I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOU SONS OF BITCHES ANYMORE!!!"

Kallen glanced over her shoulder, only to see Lelouch flailing about in some sort of invisible choke-hold. Since his parents had been vaporized by the Gods' power itself, their spirits resided in an entirely different plane of existence, yet they were still able to interact with Lelouch's ghost for some reason. It was probably because they shared the same DNA or something. Still...that was too much of a ridiculous idea, even for a series like this.

"Daddy! Leave Lelouch-kun alone this instant!" Euphemia cried from the sidelines. Despite being dead, she was still as graceful and peace-loving as ever. It kind of irked Kallen a little, to tell the truth.

When she looked to her right, she saw that Prince Clovis was merrily skipping along as he barked orders at his ever-faithful lapdog Bartley. "Bartley...am I beautiful?!"

"YES, YOU ARE, YOUR HIGHNESS!!!"

"Am I...sexy?"

"YES!!!"

"Does my milkshake bring all the boys to the yard?"

"NO...BECAUSE YOUR MILKSHAKE IS DEAD, SIR!!"

"Damn you, Colonel Sanders...!!!" Clovis roared at the top of his lungs, but then he looked down at the floor in despair, "Foiling me like you always do...and yet I can't help but love you..."

Bartley nearly lost his lunch. "S-SIR?!!!"

Several times in the past Kallen contemplated committing suicide to escape the bickering spirits, but she knew doing that would only end up causing her to become a ghost as well, and then she'd never be free. So she really had no other choice but to keep on living...

...and forever be reminded of her dark past by these vengeful phantoms.

'GOD-MOTHERFUCKIN'-DAMMIT...'

"THANKS I COULD HELP, BRO!!' John Freeman's ghost exclaimed with a grin, giving Kallen a nudge in the ribs.

It was going to be a rather bad day for the redhead...as usual...


End file.
